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book by Vatsala and Ehud Sperling
From Vatsala to Ehud, 7.8.95
Dear Ehud,
Namaste.
Since I began trying to locate and meet
a person with a view to marriage, I have been observing
married people both old and young. What makes them click?
Do they enjoy or just tolerate each other? Is there any
spark of passion and romance alive in their physical relationship?
Do they exist together simply because they have no means
of getting away? Are they compatible in terms of physical
and mental makeup, energy, and presentation? Do they clash
often and try proving their supremacy? Who wears the trousers
at home-the man or the wife? How does/do their child/children
influence them? Which spouse is competing with the child?
Is there any indication of friendship, simple humanly love
and affection between them, or is the only thing that ever
brings them close an intense physical urge felt only once
in a while? Is their relationship healthy and deep? Are
they cold and dying? Are they warm and alive? ...
To help myself, I have been thinking about
some dos and don'ts. I am practicing them in my day-to-day
interactions with people. I intend to practice them in my
relationship with my spouse because I want my marriage to
be secure, solid, and full of peace and love, and I want
above everything for my would-be spouse to be happy and
at peace.
| DOs |
& DON'Ts |
| 1. Be straightforward in your approach. |
Don't be piercingly sharp;
it hurts. |
| 2. Speak the truth |
Don't use hurtful, humiliating language
while saying the truth. |
| 3. Be soft, gentle, polite. |
Don't get trampled. |
| 4. Try to forget and forgive. |
Don't be revengeful. |
| 5. See good in a
person. |
Don't flatter. It stinks of self-interest. |
| 6. Don't preach. |
Don't remind people of what is bad
in them. |
| 7. Tell clearly
what you do not like. |
Don't grumble. Don't nag. Don't hate
a person for what you don't like in him/her. |
| 8. Talk sensibly. |
Don't argue. |
| 9. Listen with compassion and sensitivity |
Don't be a dumb doll. |
| 10. Reach out, touch. |
Don't encroach on personal freedom
and privacy. |
| 11. Accept your faults. Admit when
you've made a mistake. |
Don't try to cover the wrong with excuses,
sweet talk, and exercise of authority. |
| 12. Tell clearly what you want, wait
for your turn. |
Don't grab. Don't be greedy. |
| 13. Say "sorry." |
Don't use "sorry"
as a quick way out of a messy situation. Don't say
"sorry" without presenting a corrective
measure. |
| 14. Say "thank
you." |
Don't say it without
feeling thankful. |
| 15. Be grateful. |
Don't take anyone or anything for granted.
|
| 16. Learn to respect and reciprocate
small gestures of concern, kindness, compassion, and
humanity. |
Don't be heartbroken if you don't see
them in a relationship. |
| 17. Children are
God's best gift to mankind. Love them without spoiling
them with too much or too little attention. |
Don't use children
as a means of breaking an adult. |
| 18. Learn to understand
quietness. |
Don't consider words as the only and
ultimate means of communication. |
| 19. Do your best to help. |
Don't be hurt if it is unwelcome. Maybe
help was not needed. |
| 20. In being good . . . . . . |
don't forget, like everyone else, you
too are a human being and are likely to falter. |
From Ehud to Vatsala; August 7, 1995
Dear Vatsala,
The air is beginning to cool, and the last
rays of the sun are moving through the canopy of trees as
we gallop past the meadows and streams of North Hollow.
I'm riding Willow, a seven-year-old Arabian that has come
to me untrained and inexperienced. She shies at the slightest
provocation: a log on the ground, a change in the contour
of the land, a sudden movement by a rabbit or squirrel...
However, I do want to put your mind at
ease about the influence of astrology on my life. The stars
impel-they don't compel. When we breathe our first breath,
we draw in the influences of the moment and fix our natal
picture. However, it is my view that it is up to us to make
the most of the pluses and minuses, the good and the bad,
of our birth moment. The horoscope is a road map, indicating
what we may expect on the journey. It is not, however, the
journey itself.
I'm going to ask Dada to look at our compatibility
when he visits me. He's uniquely qualified to do this, as
he's known me for close to 20 years, has married off three
daughters, has a thorough knowledge of the occult sciences,
as well as the modern sciences, and is a traditional Hindu
with a vast experience of the West. We'll look together
at the horoscopes and our compatibility in an effort to
see the problems and the strengths of an alliance. But I
would never ever leave a matter of such great importance
to only one of numerous considerations that would inform
a decision of such magnitude. Our horoscopes are just one
piece of the puzzle that would make up a satisfying, successful,
and rewarding marriage...
I'm glad to hear that the stars are favoring
you in work and your profession. I look forward to seeing
their glow reflected in your eyes in October. Until then,
I remain,
Yours truly,
Ehud
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