More information about the "A Marriage made in Heaven" book by Vatsala and Ehud Sperling

Extracted Letters - August 7, 1995 - p.57

From Vatsala to Ehud, 7.8.95

Dear Ehud,

Namaste.

Since I began trying to locate and meet a person with a view to marriage, I have been observing married people both old and young. What makes them click? Do they enjoy or just tolerate each other? Is there any spark of passion and romance alive in their physical relationship? Do they exist together simply because they have no means of getting away? Are they compatible in terms of physical and mental makeup, energy, and presentation? Do they clash often and try proving their supremacy? Who wears the trousers at home-the man or the wife? How does/do their child/children influence them? Which spouse is competing with the child? Is there any indication of friendship, simple humanly love and affection between them, or is the only thing that ever brings them close an intense physical urge felt only once in a while? Is their relationship healthy and deep? Are they cold and dying? Are they warm and alive? ...

To help myself, I have been thinking about some dos and don'ts. I am practicing them in my day-to-day interactions with people. I intend to practice them in my relationship with my spouse because I want my marriage to be secure, solid, and full of peace and love, and I want above everything for my would-be spouse to be happy and at peace.

DOs	& DON'Ts
1. Be straightforward in your approach.	Don't be piercingly sharp; it hurts.
2. Speak the truth	Don't use hurtful, humiliating language while saying the truth.
3. Be soft, gentle, polite.	Don't get trampled.
4. Try to forget and forgive.	Don't be revengeful.
5. See good in a person.	Don't flatter. It stinks of self-interest.
6. Don't preach.	Don't remind people of what is bad in them.
7. Tell clearly what you do not like.	Don't grumble. Don't nag. Don't hate a person for what you don't like in him/her.
8. Talk sensibly.	Don't argue.
9. Listen with compassion and sensitivity	Don't be a dumb doll.
10. Reach out, touch.	Don't encroach on personal freedom and privacy.
11. Accept your faults. Admit when you've made a mistake.	Don't try to cover the wrong with excuses, sweet talk, and exercise of authority.
12. Tell clearly what you want, wait for your turn.	Don't grab. Don't be greedy.
13. Say "sorry."	Don't use "sorry" as a quick way out of a messy situation. Don't say "sorry" without presenting a corrective measure.
14. Say "thank you."	Don't say it without feeling thankful.
15. Be grateful.	Don't take anyone or anything for granted.
16. Learn to respect and reciprocate small gestures of concern, kindness, compassion, and humanity.	Don't be heartbroken if you don't see them in a relationship.
17. Children are God's best gift to mankind. Love them without spoiling them with too much or too little attention.	Don't use children as a means of breaking an adult.
18. Learn to understand quietness.	Don't consider words as the only and ultimate means of communication.
19. Do your best to help.	Don't be hurt if it is unwelcome. Maybe help was not needed.
20. In being good . . . . . .	don't forget, like everyone else, you too are a human being and are likely to falter.

From Ehud to Vatsala; August 7, 1995

Dear Vatsala,

The air is beginning to cool, and the last rays of the sun are moving through the canopy of trees as we gallop past the meadows and streams of North Hollow. I'm riding Willow, a seven-year-old Arabian that has come to me untrained and inexperienced. She shies at the slightest provocation: a log on the ground, a change in the contour of the land, a sudden movement by a rabbit or squirrel...

However, I do want to put your mind at ease about the influence of astrology on my life. The stars impel-they don't compel. When we breathe our first breath, we draw in the influences of the moment and fix our natal picture. However, it is my view that it is up to us to make the most of the pluses and minuses, the good and the bad, of our birth moment. The horoscope is a road map, indicating what we may expect on the journey. It is not, however, the journey itself.

I'm going to ask Dada to look at our compatibility when he visits me. He's uniquely qualified to do this, as he's known me for close to 20 years, has married off three daughters, has a thorough knowledge of the occult sciences, as well as the modern sciences, and is a traditional Hindu with a vast experience of the West. We'll look together at the horoscopes and our compatibility in an effort to see the problems and the strengths of an alliance. But I would never ever leave a matter of such great importance to only one of numerous considerations that would inform a decision of such magnitude. Our horoscopes are just one piece of the puzzle that would make up a satisfying, successful, and rewarding marriage...

I'm glad to hear that the stars are favoring you in work and your profession. I look forward to seeing their glow reflected in your eyes in October. Until then, I remain,

Yours truly,

Ehud

More information about the "A Marriage made in Heaven" book by Vatsala and Ehud Sperling

More on Vatsala Sperling & Ehud Sperling